Decision Matrix

How do you make hard decisions? What do you do when there are several great options in front of you and you are not sure which path to take?

Mike and I have learned a lot about decision making over the years. From the decision to keep dating (he was a bit slow moving at the beginning and I told him to get going or I was done - I'm subtle like that), to the decision to get married, the decision to get a puppy (I'll talk about that one in a later post, we love her but that decision was not our best discerned decision), and now the decision about grad school. One of the biggest lessons we have learned is the importance of the brains God blessed us with in our decision making process.

Before you worry and think that we cut God out of our decision making process and rely too heavily on ourselves I want to calm your fears and assure you that we most definitely seek God and his will from beginning to end. However, what we have found is that often times the way God gives us answers about big decisions is by providing guidance and confirmation during our decision making process. We hit our knees and pray fervently that God will give us guidance and direction, then we get up and use the resources God has gifted us with to make a decision. God always shows up in big ways as we move through the process. Sometimes things make no sense on paper - we do all of our analysis and arrive at the conclusion that a particular option makes no logical sense but God keeps placing it on our hearts to move forward with that option, and so we do. Other times, God provides us with abounding peace and clarity on the option that falls in the middle of the pack. And sometimes, every once in a while, the decision that makes the most logical sense is also the decision God is leading us toward.

Regardless of the final answer Mike and I always keep one question at the top of our minds, "What story do we want to tell?" When our kids ask us about our engagement period what story do we want to tell them? That we were so impatient to get married that we ran down to the court house and got married (we did not, but the thought crossed our minds more times than I can count) or that it was a very difficult and tempting seven months but we sacrificed for each other because we love each other so much? When people ask us about grad school what story do we want to share? That we sought after human goals and achievements or that we ran after God and he led us down a path that we were not expecting but we obeyed?

God grants us amazing resources to help us discern his will. There is community, research and analysis, prayer, and so much more. Mike and I have used all of these things as we move forward with grad school. I have multiple spreadsheets and a decision matrix (yes, I know that you are judging me...but I could not stop myself). I have read every word on every page on every website associated with every school I am applying to. Mike and I have brought our journey to our small group from the very beginning and allowed them to speak into our decision making process. We welcome Godly correction but we also need encouragement as we walk down this road. It is not always easy and we know full well that if God is leading us to Chicago, as we think He may be doing, then the road will become much more difficult before it gets any easier. At the end of the day, we know that God has brought us together in marriage and it is ultimately up to the two of us to make the right decision for our little family.

Decision matrix - it's real.

Will you join us in prayer? Pray for peace, wisdom, and guidance in our decision making process. Pray for unity together. Pray that if we do not have unity that I will have the humility to submit to my husband. Pray that God's name will be glorified and magnified through this process. Pray that we can hear God's voice clearly and that his plan will be abundantly obvious to us. Pray that we will have the courage to walk down the path God is calling us to.

God never says that life will be easy or glamorous. In fact, He promises exactly the opposite - life will be difficult, we will be ridiculed and cast off. But take heart, the world did these things and so much worse, to our Jesus - we are not alone and He is with us through every step. And even better, we are promised eternal salvation, an eternity lived in the presence of our great God but we must obey and have relationship with Him here on Earth. We are on this Earth for a purpose and then we will be gone, like a vapor. The momentary troubles are worth eternity with Him.

Interviews

Well the interviews are officially over and I am so thankful to be done with that step! For those of you not familiar with b-school admissions, candidates are invited to interview (often on-campus) with a current or former student, or a member of the admissions committee. Think of the application (essays, test scores, etc.) as the resume screening in a normal job application process which is customarily followed by an in-person interview. B-school follows the same path. Once candidates interview then the application package and interview notes are reviewed to take a holistic view of each candidate before a decision is made.

Interviews are not required for any of the online programs so I only needed to interview with Kellogg and Booth. Unfortunately (fortunately) those interviews meant two trips up to Chicago.

Kellogg
I flew up to Chicago on 1/15 to interview with Northwestern. Most schools allow prospective students to visit a class, so I had that lined up for my Kellogg visit, too. As an added bonus, I found out that there is a guy who works for Slalom Chicago who is an alum of the Part-Time program at Kellogg and a solid Christian (woohoo!) so I set-up a meeting with him, as well.

My time at Kellogg was great - I had a great conversation with the Slalom guy, he was so kind and helpful. He gave me a list of some great churches in the area and also offered to help connect Mike with some people in the Chicago area should we decide to move (yay for helping my husband find a job!). I enjoyed the class that I attended, as well. The class was a Decisions class so we namely worked in Excel but I think the professor did a great job of engaging the class in discussion and explaining things as we went along. I had a student ambassador who is a current student in the class and hosted me during my time visiting. The student ambassador was really nice and checked in with me to make sure I was getting the right answers to the problems (I was, yipee!) which was very kind.

I interviewed the next day (1/16) with a woman who is both an alum and a member of the AdCom (b-school speak for Admissions Committee, we like abbreviations). The lady was very nice and the interview flowed quite nicely. She seemed to smile and nod a lot and she took a lot of notes, I'm not sure if that is just her style or if I spoke that much. I left the interview feeling very confident and definitely more interested in Kellogg - up until my on-campus visit I was becoming increasingly less interested in Kellogg, so I felt re-engaged with the school.

I had a few hours before my flight took off so I wandered around the city. I've been to Chicago a few times before but since it had been a few years I felt like taking a stroll through Millennium Park. For those unfamiliar with Chicago, Millennium Park is where the iconic bean sculpture is but it is also a massive park right in the middle of the city. Gorgeous! I grabbed a burger at Rudy's (owned by the same people as Pizzano's, I had Gino's the night before so I didn't want another pizza) and then headed off to the airport. On my way in from the airport I took the train and while the process itself is very simple (Chicago has great public transportation) it was not so easy with my hanging clothes, suitcase, and laptop bag/purse. So, I took a car back to the airport. Much better.

Quick shot of the bean while passing through Millennium Park.

Booth
My Booth interview and class visit were scheduled for 1/24. I flew up on Friday (1/23) and was able to grab dinner with a current student who the school put me in contact with. We had good conversation and she was really helpful but for some reason I left dinner feeling a little bit uncertain. Looking back I am going to blame the cold that was rearing its head and settled in full force on Saturday afternoon. I went back to the room, took some Nyquil, and prayed that God would make it abundantly clear the next day if Booth was the right fit.

My interview with Booth went amazingly well. I arrived at the Gleacher Center (Chicago Booth's downtown campus where the part-time program is housed - it is right off the Magnificent Mile) a few minutes early and found out that it was considered a "Super Saturday" interview day so there were several others waiting for their interview, as well. I chit chatted with some of the other students and the lady in the room who was coordinating all of us (she was super awesome and likes really great music - turns out that she is also the Admissions Director!). We had great conversation about music festivals, bands, and live venues while I waited for my interviewer to wrap up her earlier interview. When I met my interviewer I knew immediately that the interview was going to go well - she was really nice and dressed in beautiful, bright colors (b-school is full of a lot of black, white, and gray). We had a really great conversation together and she asked some great, insightful questions. The interviewer assignment was first-come, first-serve (as in when you arrived at the interview location) but it could not have been a better fit - she is a former student, exactly my age, has a background in IT, and transitioned to Operations Management after concentrating in it at Booth. God answered my prayer from the night before in a big way - pretty exciting!

I had a few hours after my interview so I went back to my hotel to change then I went to grab some food (it was now after 11 and I hadn't eaten anything yet). I wanted some Wildberry pancakes so badly but (as expected) the wait was 40-45 minutes for a table for 1. I was going to be pushing it to get a table, eat, and make it back at the Gleacher Center in time for the class I was going to visit so I opted for Chipotle instead. Since Chipotle takes no time at all to make and eat I had some time left so I wandered around the halls of the Gleacher Center - Booth is known for having a lot of Nobel prize winners on staff and they showcase some of their work in the hallways. It was amazing to read about these amazing men (unfortunately, no women...yet!) who have made such huge contributions to the world (especially in the area of economics) and realize that they could be my professors.

The class visit at Booth was great. Another guy who was interviewing at the same time I was also came to the class with me. We had a really great student host who talked about his experiences, classes, why he chose Booth, etc. He was currently taking Goolsbee's class so we were excited to hear about that, too! (Austan Goolsbee was the Chief Economic Advisor to Obama and is a professor at Booth - pretty legit!)

I was invited to grab drinks with some current students after class. I learned so much from talking to them and hearing about their experiences. My favorite question that I ask anyone I can is, "Why did you choose Booth?" The responses vary yet have so many similarities - and resemble a lot of the reasons why I am so interested in Booth. I spent the rest of the evening back at the hotel, nursing my cold :(

Overall, both of my interviews went extremely well and I am thankful I had the opportunity to go on campus and spend some time getting to know the current students. I actually do have some answers back from the schools already but we are going to keep you in waiting a little bit longer on that bit of news.

Prayer requests:

• Confirmation from God that we are moving down the right path and within His will
• God to work out logistics, big and small

Book Review - Half the Church: Recapturing God's Global Vision for Women

I love to read. Sometimes it almost turns into an obsession as I cannot wait another day to find out what happens to the characters I have grown so attached to over the last hundred or so pages.

Since I love to read and everyone loves book recommendations I will toss in book reviews on the blog as I read great titles. I tentatively hope to read or listen (I love audio books) to 50 books this year. Grad school may slow my roll when it comes to leisure reading but I still want to target about a book each week. I also tend to have several books going at once (an audio book, a Kindle book or two, and a few paper books) which lets me choose what I'm in the mood for when I sit down to read. Bonus, I'm always ready to read whenever I have a few minutes alone. Waiting at PT, working on documentation at work, traveling, cuddling with the puppy on the couch. Anywhere. I feel like Rory Gilmore sometimes...and I'm not upset about that.

The first book I want to talk about is Half the Church: Recapturing God's Global Vision for Women by Carolyn Custis James.

The Samantha Version:
The role of women at home, in the workplace, and in society has been warped and distorted from God's original design for women. James examines scripture and goes back to the original Greek and Hebrew to understand the words truly used, not our modern interpretation of the words: She notes that the word used to describe women (often translated to English as "helpmate") is the same word used to describe God as an indispensable warrior alliance for Israel and her army. Do you see yourself as an indispensable ally for your husband, your coworkers, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ? Do you bring everything you are to every relationship?
God's message for women is good news for every woman across the globe. Do we always portray it as such?
I highly recommend Half the Church! There were a few parts that made me stop and say, "Well, I don't know if I completely agree...but I understand her point." In the end, I read this book in about 36 hours and couldn't stop talking Mike's ear off as I read each chapter. There were a few, "YES!!!!" that slipped from my mouth, too.

Who Should Read This Book:
Everyone! Men and women. Young and old. Married and single. Those in the Western world and the Eastern world. Christians and non-Christians. Everyone. God's plan for women is pivotal to how we treat women - it matters.

Want to read Half the Church? I read this on my Kindle and am happy to lend it out to you! Happy reading!

Fear

I have noticed a pattern in my life. My brain latches onto fears and turns them into terrors. My brain takes things I cannot possibly understand and scares me into thinking that perhaps they are true of me. When I am scared, I become almost obsessive about whatever it is I am scared of, thinking about my fears constantly. In these moments, I ask God to come and help me to weed my garden, to help me remove the thorns that are creeping up and killing, stealing, and destroying. My fears are from the enemy and reflect a lack of faith in a particular area of my life.

Wow, that is a big confession to start off a blog post. But, I think this is necessary. God commands us to confess our sins to one another. You know what I have found as I have obeyed this command? I am not alone! I have always met others who share my fears, but I don't know that others are struggling with the same fear until I confess my fear and sin. Satan hates the light, when I bring my sin and fears out into the light by sharing them with others something amazing happens - I suddenly realize how small and light my fears are. My faith is encouraged and my mind is freed when I share my fears with others. Now, let me clarify here that I still have to actively work to keep my mind from fixating on my fears but I am encouraged in this fight against Satan when I share my fears and realize that I am not alone.

I bring this topic up now because I admit that I have been down right terrified at moments during this MBA journey. I have sat and cried with my husband as I feel the weightiness of God's calling on us.

I don't want to sell our little home - the home where Mike and I got to know each other, where he proposed, where we have started our life together. I look around and see the mantel that I so wanted and Mike surprised me with for my birthday. I see the partially chewed bathroom cabinet that Leia chewed the first week we brought her home. The front door that Mike and I labored over for weeks, staining and sealing the door. The walls that Mike painted before our wedding so that the home would become our home that we share together and not the same house that he had lived in for the prior four years.

I don't want to leave our community. The community that has supported us through thick and thin. The community who has constantly pointed us back to Christ over the last several years. The community who has cried with us, laughed with us, sat with us in silence when there weren't words to be said, and offered words of advice or comfort when they were needed. The community that has become such a strong part of who we are, who has refined us as iron sharpens iron.

I don't want to take up all of our time and money and dedicate it to my MBA. Northwestern (Kellogg) lovingly refers to spouses as "joint ventures" (or JVs) because of the commitment required on behalf of our spouses. I don't want to drag Mike into that - I don't want to limit the amount of time we have together. I don't want to add more stress into our relationship which my studies will surely do. I want to have time to explore a new city together and make wonderful memories together - I don't want much of that time to be taken up by class and studying.

And so, I sit here crying and basically crippled by my fear. But there is one word that repeats itself over and over above - "I." The last three paragraphs are about me - what I want and do not want. It neglects what God wants. It neglects what Mike wants.

I cannot help but think about the word "comfort." Is comfort a positive word or a negative word? Is it good for us to stay here in our comfortable lives and not move? Is it a practice in contentment? Or, does God desire to move us out of our comfort and into a place of desperate dependence?

So many of you have been so supportive and encouraging during this journey - we cannot thank you enough for all of your support. But, we have also been met with criticism and skepticism. To be honest, I have never struggled with the skepticism of others as much as I have recently. It is hard and scary to follow Jesus, this is always true and it is especially true right now. Some seemingly harsh words have the ability to send me soaring into cycles of doubt and tears as I worry about everything I wrote about above and much more. I want to abandon this whole journey and just stay here in our comfortable life; but, every time I reach this place I am reminded of the big ways that God has shown up on this journey so far and the big things He continues to ask of me. At the end of the day, we must do what is right in the eyes of God, even if the whole world hates us for it.

And so, friends, will you join us in praying against fear and doubt? Pray for God to weed my garden of the thorns that try to grow and choke the good fruit God is trying to produce. Pray for clarity and unity regarding God's path and plan for us. Pray for patience in the waiting.

If you worry and obsess over your fears, know that you are not alone and that I am praying for you specifically this week.

Top Ten

As Mike and I took in my GMAT score and pondered what we would do next we hit our knees praying together. I hope by now that you have noticed a strong theme in this journey - this MBA journey is not about me, or Mike, or anyone else. This MBA journey is about God and magnifying God's name everywhere we go.

Recall that I had prayed desperately for God to use the GMAT as an indicator of what we should do with my MBA. Also, God continued to put on my heart to "dream God-sized dreams." What are we supposed to do with all of this? What is God asking of us?

I began researching top ten business schools and we established new criteria for evaluating programs. Our criteria are as follows:

• Strong Operations Management concentration
• Nationally recognized program
• Part-time program available
• Located in a city where Slalom has an office
• Located in a city Mike and I can get excited about living (we've never been big fans of Dallas and we don't want to consider moving to a city we are even less excited about)

Of all the criteria, the first criterion was the most difficult to fulfill. There are surprisingly few MBA programs which have a focus in Operations Management. Why am I so excited about Operations Management? The point of technology is to support business operations so in order to implement the right technologies a strong CIO must be intimately familiar with the operations side of the business. And so, Operations Management!

My list narrowed down to University of Chicago (Booth), Northwestern University (Kellogg), New York University (Stearn), and University of California - Los Angeles (Anderson). Mike and I had a hard time seeing ourselves living in New York or LA so we crossed them off the list. That leaves us with Booth and Kellogg - both in Chicago and ranked just a few spots apart from each other.

To be honest, I am terrified about applying to Booth and Kellogg. It did not take long to realize that people plan and prepare to attend these schools for years and years and years. People take the GMAT two, three, four, five times. People spend thousands of dollars to hire admissions coaches. In short, people are serious about getting into these programs. And I have definitely not done any of these things (nor do I plan to do so).

We began my MBA search hoping to get into the online programs at University of Maryland and Indiana University. Mike and I have not given up on these programs, either. In fact, I have already been accepted to both of these programs and we have celebrated the news both times. My GMAT score has helped me to receive scholarships from both of these programs which Mike and I are thrilled about.

In short, we have four main options on the table:

• University of Chicago (Booth)
• Northwestern University (Kellogg)
• Indiana University (Kelley)
• University of Maryland (Smith)

I do not know why God has brought the opportunities He has to the table but I do know that He has brought us to this place. I know that God has been encouraging me and reminding me that wherever I end up I will get there by his grace and provision and not by my own works.

You may be asking yourself, "Wait, are the Darnells moving to Chicago?" The answer is, we don't know. If I am accepted to Booth or Kellogg we currently think it is about 80/20 that we would move to Chicago. Otherwise we can complete the MBA from our cozy little home here in Dallas.

You may be thinking, "Is Samantha going to quit her job to go back to school? That sounds crazy!" I agree, that does sound crazy. The answer is no, I will not quit my job to go back to school. Regardless of which option we choose we will pursue a part-time program so I can continue to work at Slalom. Slalom has a big office in Chicago so I could transfer offices and keep working for a company that I am proud to work for. The idea is to attend classes in the evenings and then practice what I learn during the day at Slalom.

So where is Team Darnell right now regarding this decision? Below is a quick summary. Please pray for us, we need guidance from the Lord. And pray for favor with the admissions committees!

• Booth - Admissions interview and class visit scheduled for 1/24
• Kellogg - Admissions interview and class visit on 1/16, decision in 2-6 weeks
• Kelley - Accepted, decision due back by 2/10
• Smith - Accepted, decision due back by TBD (it was 1/18 but they said I can have an extension on that)

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I told you this was sure to be a wild ride if you came along with us!

The Calling

Before I move forward explaining what Mike and I have done with the big answers God shared with us I want to step back and explain why we are even pursuing grad school in the first place.

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In a little less than three weeks I will hit the five year mark on my career. It truly seems like a few days ago that I was preparing to graduate and choosing my first job. Fast forward to this summer and I began to think about what God might have planned for the next several years of my career. I began praying and seeking God, asking him to reveal to me what he desired from me and my career.

In the past I have wondered whether or not I am where God wants me to be. I have practically begged God to remove me from "Corporate America" and to let me work in non-profit or the "mission field." But, time and time again God has clearly reminded me that we cannot remove all of the Christians from the corporate workplace. Corporate America is my mission field.

As I prayed and discerned God's plan for me and my career I felt Him leading me toward a specific role within an organization. God keeps bringing me back to the role of Chief Information Officer (CIO). For those of you unfamiliar with CIOs they are the ones who lead the technology and information management organizations within most corporations.

Why CIO? Because God said so. Because over the past several years I have found a love and passion for technical project management. Because God needs Christian leaders in the world's top companies. Because God said so.

So how does the path toward CIO include an MBA? Well, after feeling called toward becoming a CIO I, of course, began researching the position. I have worked with several CIOs in my consulting gigs but I had not yet spent much time understanding the ins and outs of the position. I spoke with people who have gone down the path ahead of me, I spoke with people who chose to not go down the path even though it presented itself to them, and I did a lot of Googling.

I reverted to my analytical side and determined what skills are required to be a successful CIO, compared the skills to my current skills inventory, and realistically thought through what additional skills I will acquire in the next fifteen years. I also looked at CIO job postings on job boards like Indeed.com. What I determined is that I need to beef up my skills in operations management and financial management if I am going to successfully fill the role of CIO. I also determined that an MBA is not required to become a CIO but it is often preferred by recruiters and it would help me to beef up the skills that I know I need to work on.

Mike has been incredibly supportive and encouraging of this entire adventure. I have to take a moment to brag on my sweet husband - I am so thankful that my husband truly wants me to be all that God wants me to be. Since Mike and I have been together I have noticed that I have become more confident and that I feel the freedom to be all that God is calling me to be.

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Come back soon to pick back up on our MBA journey.

An Unexpected Answer

Over the next several posts I am going to chronicle the past several months of fun and excitement in the Darnell household as we explore the possibility of grad school. We have not shared much about this journey yet but we now invite you to enter into this journey with us - we promise it will be a wild ride.

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On September 4, 2014 I emailed Mike asking if he would support me in exploring the possibility of going back to school. At the time, I was thinking I would get my Masters of Science in Management Information Systems (MS, MIS). We talked and dreamed together and there was one thing that was obvious - my husband would do more than support me in my pursuit of additional education, he was going to be my biggest champion.

After research, prayers, and conversations with mentors we arrived at the conclusion that our time and money would be better invested in an MBA instead of an MS, MIS. We began exploring options and quickly realized that I needed to study for and take the GMAT before we knew which schools I would be able to get into. So, on September 25th I ordered the Kaplan GMAT study book and began preparing for the exam.

My best friend from September through December.

For those of you unfamiliar with the GMAT, it is the exam required for admission to most graduate business school programs. Think back to how your SAT scores played a big impact on which undergrad programs you got into - that is how the GMAT is for MBAs. The exam has four parts - Analytical Writing Assessment, Integrated Reasoning, Quantitative, and Verbal. Five years after graduating from Texas A&M I had a lot of studying to do.

For the next two-and-a-half months I studied two hours a day during the week and four hours a day during the weekends. And we prayed. Oh, how we prayed. We begged God to move and to show us what his plan was. We had felt the Spirit leading us down this path and so we started moving and prayed for God's continued guidance. There was one main prayer that I echoed over and over again during that time - "God, please use the GMAT as a tollgate that will show us what you want us to do with my MBA."

I should know better than to expect how God is going to answer my prayers but yet somehow I did have an expectation for how God would answer my prayer. I expected God to give me a "Yes" or a "No" as to whether or not we should pursue an MBA. Well, God does not live within the realm of my expectations. On test day my jaw quite literally dropped when I received my score report (yes, you receive your unofficial scores immediately). The score was higher than I had dared to dream of and much higher than the average score (or even the median 80%) for most of the schools that I had been looking at. As Mike and I celebrated this unexpected answer to our prayers we also stared at each other in confusion, uncertain what God was leading us toward.

For weeks God had been urging my heart, telling me to "dream God-sized dreams." Now God had answered my prayer of whether or not to continue pursuing my MBA in a way I never dreamed he would. Now what should we do? What was God trying to ask of us?

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Tune in next week to hear how Mike and I unpacked the big news God delivered to us via the GMAT.